Although my mom doesn’t really like it when I hang my letter for You on our fridge, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas if I didn’t write it. It’s something that I am crazy about. Paradoxically, the older I get the more I want to believe that You exist and that You will bring me anything I asked You for in my letter which is always carefully lettered and adorned with tones of colourful glitter. And although I am not a little girl anymore, I’ve done some naughty things and maybe I deserve nothing but a stick, this year I also write a letter for you. I write and I am as happy and excited as a child full of hope that thanks to a lovely scribbled piece of paper he will find a gift of his dreams underneath the Christmas tree. The problem is that my wishes are now at the same time more and less demanding than a pink fluffy unicorn (which, well, I still haven’t received).
It is a strange moment when you come to the conclusion that you don’t wait for the big colourful boxes and expensive gifts at all. I am not satisfied with dolls anymore, I don’t need shining jewellery and all my shelves are heavy with books. Paints and canvases can be bought at every time. I have clothes, I have headphones, money (although it’s not a bad idea) doesn’t bring happiness. I don’t even wish for snow this year. OK Kama, so what do you want to get!?
I would like to know, Dear Santa, how to find the strength to get out of bed every day with the brightness and smile on my face. How to inspire people with my every move, change their lives and help them selflessly.
I ask You for faith. I want to believe in myself, Yourself, people, dreams, miracles, love, magic, Hogwart, Easter Bunny and in the ideal world which is created somewhere in my head, so beautiful and impossible at the same time. I ask you for a faith of a child, the most powerful one, due to which wishes come true and little things become the source of the genuine happiness like the first star on Christmas Eve. I would like my inner child to help me become a better version of myself every day.
I wish I would know what is good for me, which way should I go to stay happy. I would like to be able to find myself in this beautiful and frightful world which still makes me feel small but also curious and excited. I wish I would not be afraid of tomorrow, look in the future with a bright smile, remember about the past and live today.
I wish I would be strong enough to discover all the secrets of the universe.
I would like to understand the others and not to be afraid of myself, keep old friends and meet new. I wish I would never lost my Somebody, with who I can laugh, sing, dance, talk… with who I can be myself. I would like my Somebody to know how much our relation means to me.
And especially I ask You, Dear Santa, for health. I would not like to spend Christmas time with my relatives in hospital, the place which I hate more than prison or cemetery. I would like to see all the plates dirty, all the borsch eaten, I want to share a special wafer when exchanging Christmas greetings with all the members of my family and friends. I wish I could sit in front of my chimney on the Christmas Eve evening, laughing under my breath and thinking about smiling faces of my guests while feeling this special kind of warmth which I can feel only on this winter day. I wish I would meet everybody that I love at the Christmas table.
And I wish, Dear Santa, I would never lose the hope thanks which I wrote this letter and which helps me to go on every day, after all.
P.S. I am still waiting for my unicorn!